Musings
Definition | your thoughts or comments on something you have been thinking about carefully and for a long time | a period of reflection or thought
Synonyms | contemplative, pondering, pensive, reflective, introspective
Fit between client & counselor is vital to the therapeutic rapport in all settings but certainly when engaging in online therapy. Fit directly impacts the client's progress. Let's be honest though most therapist websites feel the same & that is what it is. The foundations of therapy are similiar across orientations and these things must be presented up front. As an experienced therapist, with more than 20 years of clinical practice, I understand & encourage potential clients to 'counselor shop' if they need to. It's best to do it at the beginning of the therapy journey then to disrupt your healing process & find out down the road that you don't feel able to fully disclose to your therapist. And quite frankly staying too long in any type of relationship that is not a fit is generally problematic for most people.
As a counselor I don't necessarily find it easy to reflect my personality & style as a clinician through a website.
Musings is my attempt to do so.
My approach in this space is fluid by design. Some of these musings are in my own words & likely have been shared, processed and laughed over with clients at various times. Some are clearly the words & works by others that I find insightful, amusing and generally worth a ponder. What resonates with me, may not with you. Take what you will.
A is for Awareness. As in Self-Awareness although awareness in general is something of a survival skill. Become self aware. Be honest with yourself. Consider your motivations behind the things you say, the behaviors you engage in and the company you keep. -L C
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B is for Boundaries. Know your boundaries. This cannot be overstated. Identify your boundaries. Communicate your boundaries. Maintain your boundaries. Repeat when necessary. It will be necessary. -L C
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C is for Cope. Coping skills people, we all need coping skills. Coping skills get us through long after the therapy has ended. Identify some healthy coping skills you'll be happier for it. -L C
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"Be a lamp, a lifeboat, a ladder. Help someone's soul heal..." -Rumi
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"Your life is your life don't let it be clubbed into dank submission..." [The Laughing Heart] -Charles Bukowski
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"If you don't like being a doormat then get off the floor." -Al Anon
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Get a journal. Put your thoughts & feelings into words. I'd recommend the hand-written word but typed works too. It is important to get thoughts unstuck and interrupt the internal spiraling. -L C
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"Somewhere, Something Incredible Is Waiting To Be Known." -Carl Sagan
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"You're not the same as you were before...you were much more muchier...you've lost your muchness." -Lewis Carroll
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"If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not falling down, but the staying down." -Mary Pickford
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"The art of life lies in a constant readjustment to our surroundings." -Kakuzo Okakura
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If you find yourself stuck in your screen at least go meander Tiny Desk: NPR for awhile. -L C
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Speaking of meandering; TED talks. -L C
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"If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there."
-Lewis Carroll
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People Pleasers & Overextenders, visualize yourself saying any one of these responses (note they are in fact complete sentences). No. I can't make it. Another time. Not tonight. Thank you I can't, let me know how it goes. I'd rather not.
Try one & increase the frequency in which you speak it. -L C
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It will be okay if you turn off the notifications for awhile. This is a simple act in self care. -L C
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"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music." -Nietzsche
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For a quick redirect consider music. Music is powerful. It can directly impact your mood. Some days it may be helpful to consciously choose the music you're listening to. -L C
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"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got." -Janis Joplin
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Create Something. Anything. You do not have to show it to anyone. Others do not have to like it, share it, follow it, repost it, validate or critique it. Validation is nice. It is not necessary. Create something for yourself. -L C
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"True love is instant. We'll know it the minute we see the person. Pudding is instant. Real love and intimacy take time." [Kiss my Tiara] -Susan Jane Gilman
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"Even a mistake may turn out to be the one thing necessary to a worthwhile achievement." -Henry Ford
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Consider taking a T-break. A tolerance break can be used for anything done in excess. Sometimes it is good to get back to baseline & lower your tolerance of the substance, the doom scrolling, the news, the nonsense. -L C
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"If you don't like where you are then change it you are not a tree." -Jim Rohn
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Honestly, I have used "I am not a tree" as a mantra when I have needed to make change. I find that sentiment to be insightful & quite amusing. -L C
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Find some positive words that resonate with you and use them when you need them. Intentionally reflect on them. -L C
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"Regardless of how much money you earn, time is one thing you'll never be able to buy." -Justin Bariso
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"Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality." -Lewis Carroll
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"Don't give up. Don't lose hope. Don't sell out." -Christopher Reeve
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"It's always something." -Gilda Radner
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"Dont Look Back. Your Life; No Longer An Option." -Mary Englebreit
[Print of a person on foot with a suitcase in hand & a bindle over shoulder at a crossroads choosing their 'Life' path over the 'No Longer An Option' path.]
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We've all experienced situations, relationships or jobs that fall under the 'No Longer An Option' path. It will be okay. There is another path. Move in that direction. -L C
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Make note of the things you do, the choices you make & the people you seek validation from. -L C
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For the pet owners; tell your pet your problem. Imagine your pet's response. Cat people- do not act on that response. -L C
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"We are all in this together--by ourselves." -Lily Tomlin
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'Compare & Despair' is real. Be cautious of this insidious thought spiral. If your social media use feeds this in you, engage in some self-care and take a break. -L C
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"You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself." -Ethel Barrymore
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Generally speaking Life is not black or white. There are actually many shades of gray. It can be enlightening to live in the gray sometimes. At the very least it is important to acknowledge it or just pay it a visit. -L C
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"They built train tracks across the Alps...they built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip...they knew someday the train would come." [Under the Tuscan Sun/film based on memoir] -Frances Mayes
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"Life is a journey, not a destination." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
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"You get what you get." -Joan S
[Elementary School Teacher to her class at snack time]
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Coping skills do not have to be high maintenance. Stretch. Color. Walk. Build Legos. Meander through a store. Read National Geographic. Look at your pet. Go Outside. Just prioritize yourself for awhile. -L C
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If you're striving for perfect you've already failed. Set realistic expectations of yourself & others. Besides perfect is exhausting. -L C
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Back in the day when cards were mailed, my friend Lindsay always sent the best ones (see below). Humor is a life skill. -L C
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"My cookbook says if I don't have 2 eggs, I can substitute with 3 egg yolks. I don't think my cookbook understands my problems." -Hallmark | Fresh Ink
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"I have to disagree with the notion that we learn something new every day. I think I've had several days in a row where I haven't learned anything and even forgotten some things." -Hallmark | Fresh Ink
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A beautiful thing is never perfect. - Egyptian Proverb
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Self reflection & insight are really necessary. If you often find yourself responding with "I don't know why I do that" this may be a space to pause & reflect upon. -L C
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Pause, Reflect, Journal; works well together. -L C
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It is not enough to know how to ride, you must also know how to fall. -Mexican Proverb
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"For every dark night, there's a brighter day." -Tupac
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"Let's all take a moment and be thankful that spiders don't fly." -Unknown
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Counselors tend to encourage clients to beware of the "shoulds". It's striking how often some use this word. Become aware of your use or overuse of that word. You may not be living fully in the present. You may be procrastinating, rationalizing, deflecting, avoiding or justifying things you are not following through on. -L C
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If you're looking around your space and there's stuff to put away try short bursts of intentional action. Set a timer for 7 minutes & work until it goes off, pick 3 favorite songs work during those songs or listen to a short podcast and get things done. -L C
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"Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing." -Camille Pissarro
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"It is wonderful to be in on the creation of something, see it used, and then walk away and smile at it." -Lady Bird Johnson
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Procrastination tends to hold hands with resistance. That's fine. No judgement. Acknowledge it. Start somewhere. -L C
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"What might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may, in fact, be the first steps of a journey." -Lemony Snicket
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Some of my clients are familiar with my twist on 'Lemony Snicket'. On occasion it must be said "ugh..yeah that was a lemony snicket, move past it". And we laugh. Some things are in fact unfortunate events. It happens to all of us. Humor is a life & coping skill. Laugh when you can. -L C
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"Listen to the silence. It has so much to say." -Rumi
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"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." -Robert Frost
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Give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way. -Native American Saying
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